Being Mindful of the journey enroute to the destination

Kiran & Nimi had got married on the same day as Shane & Nikki a little over two months ago. Today Kiran & Nimi are fighting due to irreconcilable expectations from their marriage whereas Shane & Nikki understand their differences & are mindful of the effect of their actions on each other & others in their household. So, they are couple goals personified.

Destination for Kiran & Nimi as well as Shane & Nikki on the day of their marriage: A happy married life

Binny & Nihal are in the same class (Std. X-A) & have gone to the same classes for tuitions. Exams are in two days. Binny is sleeping well & studying in an organised manner whereas Nihal is having sleepless nights terrified that he may pass out in the examination hall.

Destination for Binny & Nihal on the first day of Std. X: Good Marks in their board exams

Same or Similar Destination but markedly different experiences for Kiran & Nimi and Shane & Nikki as well as Binny & Nihal, why? Which of them have a greater probability of success in reaching their destination?

Shane, Nikki & Binny have been mindful throughout their journey so they are able to appreciate the little things & confront their obstacles effectively.

Zinger for the Day: In the midst of where you are going, don't forget to enjoy where you are.

The winning client-therapist relationship

 Authors: Reenu M. & Sneha V.S.

Photo by youssef naddam on Unsplash

Kanak got off her video call with her therapist Ms. Kirti who happened to be someone she had known since her childhood. They were not close friends but since they were from the same locality, they roamed in the same circles. That is how Kanak decided to seek Ms. Kirti’ help for her anxiety issues. However, Kanak did not feel she had made the right choice right now. She thought that maybe therapy is not for people like her and she cannot be helped. She told this to her friends via IM immediately. Among them were few of them who were waiting for her review to try therapy like Vikas who was under tremendous pressure from his parents both doctors to get a good NEET score so he was so scared of failure and subsequent perceived rejection from his parents. Or like Kavita who had doubts about her relationship with her boyfriend due to his obsessive nature. Or like Bonnie whose parents were in the midst of a messy divorce. Or like Gia who just wanted help with how to set her goals and achieve them.

Unfortunately, because of Kanak sharing her unhappiness about the progress of her therapy, all of her friends started thinking that maybe they need to go through their problems alone. This is absolutely wrong. All of these people could benefit from therapy had the tuning of the client-therapist relationship been set favourably throughout.

So, let us introspect on the factors of the client-therapist relationship which in turn predicts the success of therapy -

1. Rapport: Sometimes, while there is a lot of effort initially to build a harmonious therapeutic relationship, later it dulls. Every relationship needs constant check whether the care is effective. Kanak and Kirti have known each other since long so, there were assumptions from both sides, and they took each other for granted. Rapport that was built well was not maintained by managing expectations on both sides.
2. Regularity of sessions: The sessions at least the initial and middle ones must be fairly regular else the continuity may be lost thereby hampering the smooth progress of the therapy. Kanak kept rescheduling her therapy sessions, and then Kirti had to find suitable slots which was sometimes not possible. The sessions like today’ was spent mostly in catching up about the previous session’ goals and their status. So, there was hardly much time for Kirti to check effectiveness and regulate the present session.
3. Communication: There should be openness & honesty in the sessions. Kanak hid one of her key anxiety triggers from Kirti i.e. guilt over having a crush on Kavita’ boyfriend since she was afraid of being judged and this news getting leaked in the community to which all of them belonged. Since this was continuously triggered and not managed, there was constant stress. 
4. Openness to new techniques & types of therapy: Both the therapist and client should be open to trying new techniques which have been researched and proven to be beneficial in situations similar to what the client is facing. The type of therapy is usually decided based on the comfort of the client and best suited for the issue. Sometimes, the therapist may favour a particular therapy over others because of their expertise & experience on it without reviewing periodically whether the client is at ease or the therapy is proving effective for the client’ issue. Kanak would not do certain activities that were to be completed prior to the session. But Kirti being an expert on this therapeutic technique persisted that Kanak do them to realise its benefit which led to some resentment thereby dulling the harmony in the relationship. 
5. Self-work: Therapy and all associated activities should be a priority for the client. Whatever is practised during sessions if practised personally, then the benefits of the session are sustained through till the next session. Kanak had an issue but did not prioritise its resolution. Kirti did not get through to the root cause and stuck to the therapeutic technique.

Therapy is a two-way street and proves to be a win-win when both the client and their therapist are mindful of the factors that determine its success and nurture them throughout.

You are a Masterpiece

 Author: Reenu M.

Nikhil was lying face down on the pillow & sobbing. He did not care that neither his father nor his grandparents hated to see him cry… just because he was a boy! It was as if boys should not feel at all or be good at hiding them. His twin sister Nikita could hide her feelings easily. How she yearned for her father and grandfather to see all the wonderful things she could do; things that they would like Nikhil to do! Like studying business management in India or abroad and manage their family business. But Nikhil never felt he had the head for business. He was happy with his music & writing; he aced it and even had his own channel with tons of subscribers. His father… why, even his sister felt it was a big waste when he should be trying hard to excel at studying to go abroad to some fancy university to get a Management degree. Nikita wanted to… quite frankly, she could too… unfortunately, their father did not seem to care.

There was only one person who Nikhil could talk to and that was his Uncle Narendra Singh (his father’ elder brother) who he referred to as Tausa. He was the one who saw and encouraged Nikhil’ passion for music and became his teacher. He himself was a renowned musician who spent his time touring the globe for his various concerts. He was also

His Tausa picked up his call and heard Nikhil’ muttering interspersed with sobbing for a good 5 minutes after which he requested Nikhil to either sob or talk and that he was willing to hold the phone for either as long as it took. Nikhil told him about his dilemma - to be happy doing what he loved OR to just do what his father liked and not think too much.

His Tausa remained silent for a few seconds and told him, “My son, I had the same dilemma 20 years ago & then, your father was in Nikita’ position. But if you ask me, I will just say that I chose to do what I loved and let me tell you that I am very happy. However, I don’t know how I would be if I had chosen to do what your grandfather liked but still, I could definitely not be happier than I am now. Yes, it will tough, there will be obstacles, misses but it is OK. The result is worth it. You know what? My decision has paved the way to happiness for your father's happiness just as your wise decision could pave a way for your sister's happiness. She will get noticed after that initial drama just like your father was. All the best, my child. It is going to be OK; I am always with you.”

 

                        PC: Ri Butov from Pixabay

Zinger for the Day:

Walk Away,
Say NO,
Cancel Plans,
Take a Break,
Change your Mind,
Love your Flaws,
Be yourself.

You are a masterpiece!

One Day or Day One

 Author: Reenu M.

Janani was sorting through the stuff in her parents’ room. Her parents were smiling at her from the photo hanging on the wall. She could not believe that her ever-smiling, ever-giving, ever-loving parents were gone. It had been a freak accident on the way to the resort for a relaxing vacation after her father’ retirement. It was her gift to them. Ever since she could remember, her parents were always working hard. There were loans to pay and the last loan was repaid just a year before her father retired. Her parents had always saved up whenever they could. They never cut corners for Janani, but they squeezed themselves. So, this vacation was Janani’ way of giving back.

Janani’ husband Shyam thought that it would be a great idea to sell this house because they lived miles away and would hardly come now that her parents were gone. Janani was very reluctant so they decided that for the time being, they would rent it out. Hence, they needed to know what to keep and what not.

As she was going through her parents’ papers, she came across crisp entries regarding the fixed deposits that were due to mature the next month. She was shocked to see that both her parents had been contributing small portions of money individually for the last twenty-five years towards fixed deposits renewed every year and the total amount stood to over Rs 10 lakhs. They had named it the “Seeing-the-world-together” fund.

Her parents had thought that one day, they would use this money to see the world together. Janani remembered all the times she thought they could live better. Instead, they were saving away for that one day. Janani had tears in her eyes as she went towards her parents’ smiling frame on the wall.

She lamented, “Oh Dada & Mumma, why did you not choose your 30^th anniversary last year as that day to start your world tour?” Alas, her parents would never have that chance.

        Picture Courtesy: Long Truong @ unsplash

There was a lesson in it for Janani. Shyam & she had been putting off having a child till the day they were "settled". She realised that she needed to be wiser. After all, time waits for no one.

Zinger for the Day:

One Day Or Day One. You choose!

Happy and true

 Author: Reenu M.

It was Raunak’ last day at the IT firm where she had spent the last six years working in the pre-sales team and traveling all over the world. She had it all – a great resume and equally awesome personality traits to complement her job demands.

However, this was her parents’ dream not hers. They did everything possible to ensure that their dream came true and provided her with all possible resources to enhance her natural talents. They wanted her to bag a great job at an MNC, so that they could get a good match for her from either the US, Europe, or Australia. That is how they could ensure that their only daughter was set for life. And they were not wrong. Her friends’ parents thought so too and many of them were already happily married and settled abroad. But then again, Raunak’ friends wanted that life for themselves.

Not Raunak though!

She had always wanted to pursue a career in travel photography. She had loved travelling since she was very young. She was gifted her first digital camera when she was 13 years old and she clicked away like there was no tomorrow. That stopped within a few months because of preparation for exams. But she often managed to steal time for pursuing this hobby; it was an obsession. She was happiest with the camera, but she did not dare to mention it to her parents.  She was afraid that they would get angry at her apparent lack of respect for their efforts.

She was right. They were very angry when she told them a month ago of her decision to quit and start afresh in the field that she felt so passionate about. They were angry that their dream of seeing their daughter married & settled abroad came crashing down. They wondered where they had gone wrong.

Raunak tried to reassure them as best she could that they did everything right and she did everything to walk the path they had chosen for her. But something clearly was amiss. She was happy when she got those awards, promotions at her work; however, more so, when she was appreciated in her travel blog for her keen eye in her photographs that she took while travelling around the world.

About six weeks ago, her parents proposed that she marry their friends’ son. She liked Vyom, he was an awesome yet nerdy guy who loved to hide behind his gadgets and hated travelling of any kind.

She quit being someone else to please others. She chose to star in her own new story.

                                        Background photo created by freepik - www.freepik.com

Zinger for the Day:

Be happy and true to being YOU.

Real and so perfect

 Author: Reenu M.

Mitali was sitting with downcast eyes in front of her computer. Her mother who had come into the room to put the ironed clothes in the cupboard, saw Mitali looking so sad. She was very concerned and so she put an arm around Mitali and asked her what the matter was. Mitali said, “Mumma, the girls in my class were discussing about doing a video for our teacher Miss Kavita; it is her birthday. I love Miss Kavita, so I wanted to be part of this video, but they declined saying I was too fat and ugly, and they did not want to spoil their effort. You are so pretty and slim, Mumma. I am your daughter so how come I am not like you?” Saying this, she put her head into her hands and sobbed.

Her Mom gathered her close, wiped her tears and said, “My dear, yes, you are my daughter who paints and writes so well that even Miss Kavita told me at the PTA meeting that I should enable you to harness this talent. You know my writing; I can barely string words together. And painting? Remember, how I tried to do rangoli last Diwali and everyone asked me to stop wasting my time and tell you to do it?”

The recollection of that day brought a slight smile to Mitali’ face. Her Mom was encouraged to say further, “And who says that Miss Kavita can only receive a video? Did you know that she is a writer too and her late father loved to paint? Why don’t you make a painting & write something nice for Miss Kavita?”

Mitali was thrilled with her effort on her present for Miss Kavita whose birthday celebration was at the end of the online classes today. Some boys presented her with an online skit, and the girls presented their video. Others who were not included in skit or video just showed her their handmade cards. Miss Kavita oohed and aahed & smiled through all of it. When my turn came, & I presented a painting of her with a poem about her father talking about her. The whole class fell silent as Miss Kavita was crying and looked at me with scorn in their eyes. I was terrified at the hate messages popping on my phone when Miss Kavita spoke “Mitali, I missed my father so much today. When I see this awesome painting and read your lovely poem about my father speaking to me from beyond, I just felt so special and so loved. Thank you my dear, I will treasure this for the rest of my life”.

The messages stopped coming. I was so happy.

Zinger for the Day:

You were born to be real; so, you are perfect just the way you are.

The words-n-smile effect

 Author: Reenu M.

Neelima looked at her Covid test result with dismay. She had tested positive for Covid. She was wondering how she could be positive when she had done everything by the book. Sanitising herself and her apartment every half hour, getting everything ordered in at the doorstep instead of stepping out, paying bills online, social distancing with her neighbours; she had followed everything religiously. But when she caught that cold & fever which refused to leave her despite all the homemade remedies, she had gone for the test as her consulting doctor had suggested and now this result.

She did not even feel like eating the dinner she had prepared. Everything tasted like sawdust anyway. Luckily, her parents were staying with her brother in the US & had been stuck there due to the lockdown. They had been aghast at the news and lamented on how they should have been there to look after their Neelu. This made Neelima miss them even more.

Well, her doctor had told her to remain hydrated, so while she was sipping the hot water, she remembered that she had to intimate the Society office about her home quarantine. She dialled the secretary – Mr. Shetty who lived in the flat just above her’s. Mr. Shetty had been badly hit by Covid; in fact, he had been hospitalised for over 25 days since he had multiple comorbid conditions. Mr. Shetty was very popular person, always helpful, smiling and kind to not only the members but also the employees in Security, Housekeeping. So, the entire society had become gloomy when he was in the hospital and the day, that he had been brought home, it felt like Diwali.

Now, he heard Neelima and probably it was her bleak tone that prompted him to say, “My dear, give me 15 minutes & I will get you Aunty’ hot soup. Don’t worry, we will talk through the safety door” and promptly hang up.

I opened the main door & waited a little away from it. Mr. Shetty landed exactly fifteen minutes later. He told her very kindly, “My dear girl, you are young and healthy so treat Covid like an injury that you could not avoid. Remember, when you fell off the bicycle & scraped your knee? Did you stop cycling? No, right! You just rested and dreamed of what you do when you felt better. And, when you did, you cycled the remainder of that summer & others. In the same way, relax, have all the right food and medicines and dream of what you would do, when you get better”. He kept the bowl of soup on the table outside the safety door and left with the same smile as he had come in.

Suddenly, I was immensely cheerful, and smiling; probably the effect of Shetty Uncle’ smile & kind words. When my parents called again, I had finished Aunty’ delicious soup. Unlike the last time however, I was smiling and told them that the next 14 days was going to be rest & relaxation time. Looking at my smiling face, they started feeling better & my father could even manage to crack some jokes during our 20-minute conversation.

I realised how Shetty Uncle’ kind words and smiling face were reflecting & resonating with me & through me to my parents. I felt like I was in a valley of bright flowers. The gloom had passed.